YVETTE MARIE TZIALLAS

“Nephros,” reflects my own personal journey, as the pieces chronicle the past year of navigating end-stage kidney failure and the subsequent transition to starting dialysis. My art served as a sanctuary from the escalating reality of my condition. As my health deteriorated, I uprooted my life, moving away from my husband, our home and my art studio here in the Southern Highlands of NSW to relocate to Sydney for crucial dialysis treatment. My art very much became a lifeline for me at that time, something just as important as the treatment itself. Spending 4.5 months on dialysis, despite its physical and mental challenges, provided me with valuable time to reflect and channel my experiences creatively during those 5-hour sessions, three times a week.

A majority of the artworks for ‘Nephros’ were created during this in-between state of limbo I found myself in. I often carted panels back and forth in various stages of completion as I moved between my studio and my home away from home in Sydney. During my treatment, the portable hospital table Infront of my dialysis chair became my makeshift studio desk, pens and art materials sprawled over the table, here I filled sketch books with drawings and concepts for works I wanted to create on larger panels that awaited to be drawn on when I wasn’t in hospital. I had made peace with my situation and accepted that my life on dialysis was now my new normal. I was aware that I was particularly difficult to tissue match to, a disheartening statistic of 98% incompatibility to the general population, meaning it could take years to find a compatible match.

In early January this year, I received that surreal and life-changing phone call that brought news of a compatible kidney match through the living donor exchange program that my husband and I had signed up for a few years earlier. I was being offered a third chance at life, something we had held out hope for but also one we didn’t think would be possible so soon. This news brought a myriad of mixed emotions, I felt conflicted. On one hand I was profoundly grateful for this precious gift I was being offered, a gift made only possible by the selflessness of my husband and the sacrifice my anonymous donor was making for their own loved one on the same program.

On the other, the overwhelming fear of the unknown hovered above me. I felt somewhat unworthy of the sacrifice my husband was making for me, and guilty, not only for putting him in this position where his own health could be at risk, but guilt in receiving a gift that so many others I had met during my time on dialysis had been waiting so much longer for than me. These complex emotions underscored the gravity of the situation as we prepared for our surgery in February this year.

This whole experience marked a profound and transformative chapter in my life and in turn that of my art practice. The success of our surgeries brought immense relief and gratitude, allowing me to focus on recovery and resuming the life my husband and I had set aside for the last few years. This body of work represents more than just my personal response to physical and emotional suffering; it symbolizes a journey of resilience and transformation. Each piece is not merely a visual representation but a testament to the challenges I faced and the inner strength I discovered through these moments of adversity.

My art has always been a sanctuary for me amongst the chaos of life, a means through which I navigate the complexities of my health and the emotional turbulence that accompanies it. Creating allows me to channel my experiences into something tangible and meaningful. The process of creating these works over the course of the last year was both cathartic and therapeutic for me. It enabled me to confront and process the profound impact my journey has had on me, transforming my pain and uncertainty into visual narratives.

I am deeply grateful for the extra time I’ve been given not only for new experiences, but also to continue creating and sharing my art with others. The significance of this experience makes me appreciate every day of good health I am fortunate to receive. It is my hope that by sharing some of my story, I can highlight the impact chronic kidney disease has on those living with this condition, and raise awareness of the importance of life-extending treatments such as dialysis and the profound ways organ donation can change someone’s life.